Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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