You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
