you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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