Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
