Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
