Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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