just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
