Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
