im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
