Are we in a gay sports bar?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
