video games are the ultimate cock blocker
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
