I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
