our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
