Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
