He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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