I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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