it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
