Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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