Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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