By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
