I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
