im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
