your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
