I want to walk on stilts...naked
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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