i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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