singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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