i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
