I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
