So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
