i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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