The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
