Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
