i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
