I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
