Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
