Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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