mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
bring money and cleavage
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
