You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
