i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
