Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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