my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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