I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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