soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
