he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
