do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
