This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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