i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
