Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
