So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
