please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
