I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
