just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
