so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
