Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
