last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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