How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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