Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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