i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
