there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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