my mouth tastes like poor choices
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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