So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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