based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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