I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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