This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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