Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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