genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
