you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
