The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
