thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
