just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
