Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
