i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
