no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We have started to decorate penises.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize