I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Be still, my beating vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
