That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
