Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
