you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
