used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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