my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
