Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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