she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
