I want to have your abortion
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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