o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In America we eat man semen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
