I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
