I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
