I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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